Choosing a counsellor - Where do I start!?

Picking a counsellor for the first time can feel like a big task. Hopefully you are spoilt for choice so here are some questions to ask yourself when browsing for a new counsellor!

Why am I looking for a counsellor? What do I want to get out of counselling?

If you know what you want to get from going to counselling you can narrow down who might be a good fit for you.

If you have a specific issue you want to tackle you might find someone who specialises or has experience of that issue.

If you can't quite put your finger on what's wrong you probably don't want to pick someone who does brief solution focused therapy as you might need time to identify what you want to tackle.

What has helped me with issues in the past?

If you've had support in the past that did or didn't help, use that knowledge to help you filter through! If you haven't had professional support before, consider how your friends support you and what you like about that - for example: do you want to be listened to or do you want someone to challenge your thinking?

Consider your problem solving style.

Do you like to dig into why something is a certain way or do you tend to be more focused on what you need to do? Some therapy approaches like CBT will give you practical skills to use, while others are more about talking and exploring the issue.

Do I want to see someone face to face, online or by telephone?

Some people aren't good with technology or prefer being physically in the room with their counsellor, others like the convenience of being remote.

If you want to see someone in person you might have less choice and need to consider travel time. If you choose someone online or by phone you could have a counsellor based anywhere in the UK, but you need to consider where you'll have a private space to make the call from so you can speak freely and uninterrupted.

Is this something to deal with one issue or something I'll want to do for a while?

Many counselling services will offer you a set number of sessions, where as private counsellors often have open ended options. You don't need to know for sure now how many sessions you want, but if you want to work on something big a service that offers only 6 sessions isn't going to be a good fit.

At Unravelling Therapy I offer open ended sessions, either weekly or fortnightly, but I also agree with you a regular review point so we always know there is a deadline for your goals or time to reconsider how you are finding sessions. This provides the flexibility of open ended counselling, without losing the structure that a fixed number of sessions gives you.

What's my budget?

If you wanted to see a counsellor every week for an extended amount of time that can get costly, so plan ahead on what is affordable if you can. The NHS offer talking therapy for free, but you might not get to choose the other aspects mentioned here or you might have to wait a while before your first appointment. Local charities and social enterprises offer reduced cost counselling, but there is often a waiting list so don't expect to see someone the same week you sign up!

What do I think makes a good counsellor?

Some counsellors will advertise how they work with clients, others will list issues they specialise in and some have long lists of qualifications. Do you want someone who feels very smart and educated or do you find that intimidating? Do you want someone who feels similar to you or someone who seems contrasting to other people in your life? Much like looking for a partner on a dating app there will be little things that make a person stand out to you, even when you don't really know what it is. Looking at your potential counsellors' adverts which one makes you feel like you could talk to them comfortably and trust them?

Personally I can't help but have a bit of humour in most things I do, so when looking for a counsellor I'd want someone who felt a little serious to balance that out (but still with a twinkle in their eye that suggested they would laugh at my jokes sometimes). Also being a counsellor myself I'd want someone with a different kind of qualification to me so they could give a different perspective - yes counsellors also go to counselling sometimes too, we need to talk about our feelings just like you!

It's not me, it's you - be prepared to say no!

Most private counsellors will offer some kind of introductory call or session to get to know each other. This is a great opportunity to see if the counsellor you've picked is going to be a person you'll feel comfortable opening up to. They won't be offended if at the end you decide to keep looking - counsellors get into the profession to help people, so they'll want you to prioritise what feels right for you.

You might also see your counsellor for a little while and feel like it isn't what you hoped for (maybe you're thoughts on what you want from a counsellor will change after experiencing a few sessions). It is always okay to decide to change counsellors if you aren't feeling a connection! I always encourage my clients to let me know if there is something they'd like me to do differently, your counsellor will be open to feedback too, but maybe it's just that you two aren't a good match which is okay too. Shop around until you meet 'the one' who makes you feel safe and motivated to make the changes you are seeking.